Dang it, Ted Mosby! Be my boyfriend!

Last night was one of those kind of perfect evenings where I don’t mind one bit that I live by myself with two furry, purry cats.  I had the tree lit up.  I was reading a book.  I turned on the tv to watch How I Met Your Mother and was met with several surprises.  1. A super great episode. 2. A SECOND super great episode!  3. Barney almost topping Ted as most adorable character on the show.

I love a “bit” and what Barney pulls off last night to show Robin how he feels was just so fantastic.  I like to believe insane, over the top gestures like that exist in the world.

I love that Ted and Robin and Barney are all characters that I’ve spent 6 years with (I didn’t start watching until the 3rd season.  I caught up quickly – no worries) and I just love that they’re growing up.  I’m the same age as the characters in this show and I think that’s why I get more attached to their story lines than say, characters on Grey’s Anatomy.  I’m nothing like those people.  But I’m a lot like Ted Mosby, who is a big dreamer.  And someone, as he says in last night’s episode, who is an expert in the field of making an ass out of themselves as they figure out what they want to do in life.  I’m like Barney who goes out of his way to make a “play” for a big reaction.  I’m like Robin with her borders and boundaries, but with a warm gooey middle.


Mostly, I’m just crazy about that Ted Mosby.  Dreamy, starry-eyed, thoughtful, considerate, cute as a button Ted Mosby.  Ted Mosby who struggles living in the present because he wants to know what is coming next.  Ted who just wants to be in love and happy and have a partner.  And he’s a little impatient.  I get it.

There’s a line from the movie Sleepless in Seattle.  Rosie O’Donnell says to Meg Ryan, “You don’t want to be in love, you want to be in love in the movies.”  Sigh.  I’m afraid that’s me.  I want to be in love in How I Met Your Mother.

Come and find me, Ted!

Come and find me, Ted!

I did find a new band because of the show as well.  I downloaded the song that was playing at the end of the 2nd episode – Let Your Heart Hold Fast by Fort Atlantic.   You can probably assume that I’m going to turn it on repeat for the next hour or so.  “Let your heart hold fast for this soon shall pass like the high tide takes the sand…”

Enjoy the moment, right?  Don’t be impatient for the future, right?  Remember that Ted Mosby is a fictional character, right?  Check. Check.  Working on it…

A lovely evening

It was 75 degrees outside when I got home from work and it’s only continued to cool down.

I didn’t have anything to do tonight or anyone to be accountable to.

I was exhausted from a weekend of people and a day without my glasses.

I opened windows.

I toasted a bagel and smeared it with almond butter and honey.

I read some blogs while a HIMYM repeat was on, and it was a good repeat.  One from last season and Ted is sad and yet ever-hopeful over his romantic life and realizing he will never have Robin.

Then I laid down and watched an episode of Downton Abbey.  I’m in season 2.  I love it.

Now it’s dark out and breezes cross my bedroom and bring the smell of a sage candle I have burning on my dresser.

It’s early enough that I can go to bed and still get 8 hours of sleep EVEN WITH getting up at 6am to run.

It’s been a lovely, quiet night.  One of those nights where I don’t know if I’ve said a word out loud since 5:30pm when I left work.  (Is it aloud, or out loud?)

And I found this lovely blog post about a lovely birthday party and it was only after I looked at all the pictures I realized it was a party in St. Louis! I don’t think the birthday I have coming up in 6 weeks will be quite this lavish, but one day…

All images are from the Hostess with the Mostess blog and complete details about this party can be found here.

Such a wonderful cake, love the name written on the side.

Perfect colors for my fall birthday


I miss hosting dinner parties.  Real, grown up dinner parties with menu cards and elaborate table settings.  I remember one I threw in Louisiana and I carved out the tops of apples so a tealight candle would fit perfectly inside.

Somewhere, in a parallel universe, today is my 7th wedding anniversary.  I briefly spoke to Ex Husband earlier and we decided our parallel universe selves would be out to dinner, most likely a dinner of many courses with paired wines, and we would have found creative ways to give each other the traditional 7th anniversary gift, which I’m sad to say is copper or wool.  It was always fun to incorporate the stodgy old traditional gifts into something thoughtful.  Although, Ex Husband said something about giving me a bag of pennies.  Unless these were very thoughtful pennies from years that were meaningful to me/us, I’m sure this would have not gone over well.

I think I would like to have marvelous parties again.

I also think I will watch one more Downton Abbey episode before bed.

I will sleep, perchance to dream…of dinner parties and parallel lives.




“I get knocked down

But I get up again

You’re never going to keep me down”

I got some disappointing news today.  I had interviewed for a new position at my company several weeks ago.  It was a project manager position under the Director of Organization Development.  Could that be any more perfect?  Well, I didn’t get it.

I was sad.  I had been hopeful and optimistic.  It was such a great opportunity to move into the field I’m studying, have more of a mentor as a boss and, selfishly, get a more regular schedule.

I didn’t get much done at work after getting that news.  I was bummed.  I left work a half hour early.  I came home to run and shake it off.  And shake it off I am.

I treated myself – with flowers!  The gentlemen at Botanicals Design Studio were so kind when I told them I was looking for a bouquet to cheer me up.  They put together some colorful flowers and wished me a better week.

Pretty (and tall!) flowers

Then I went for a run.  I laced up the shoes and went to the park.  I tried not to focus on the running and focused instead of all the things I have to be grateful for instead.  I don’t want to get bitter and resentful.  So, I thought about the beautiful weather, the furry cats, the girlfriends you can talk dirty with and the friend you can tell everything to, the opportunities to help someone else out, still being employed and having the ability to focus more on school and running.

The universe is telling me I’m on the right track.  I got three emails from friends or colleagues thanking me for something or other.  I’m not so bad, after all!  I sent the most belated Christmas present ever to my friend Cyndi and she was so happy with it – yay!  I sent a recommendation/introduction email to a woman I used to work with on behalf of a former colleague who is interested in a position with her company and that friend was so grateful.  I also wrote a recommendation letter on LinkedIn for a woman who used to call on me when I was the training manager at the casino and she sent me a note of thanks.  It was nice to come home to those notes.  Put good in the world, get good back.

Also after my run, I was thirsty.  I opened my fridge, which was weird because I don’t keep a lot of beverages in my fridge.  I forgot I had some Coconut Water in there that I bought on a whim at the store last weekend.  Seemed like the perfect post run drink while I made dinner.  The package declares that it’s the ideal hydration beverage.  I took one sip and I made a face.  It was not good.  I took another.  It still wasn’t good.  This surprised me.  I love coconut.  I did not like this coconut water.

Sorry, Vita Coco. Not for me.

I’ll use the rest in my smoothies this week.  Perhaps that will help mask the taste of it.  I did make a smoothie dessert (sans coconut water tonight).  Tonight’s smoothie was a banana, almond milk, 2 T of peanut butter, 1 T of cocoa powder and a sprinkling of cocoa nibs.  Add ice and blend!  Super good!

And to top off my feel better night was the season finale of How I Met Your Mother!  There were two episodes tonight and wooooo!  SPOILERS AHEAD!

I love you, Ted Mosby!  I love the girl from the past who returned, I love the decision they made at the end and I can’t wait to see what happens.  I’m slightly confused by the image of Robin at the end.  I’m thrilled for Barney and Quinn, so I’ll be sad if that doesn’t work out.  But mostly, Ted Mosby, go get her!  And if it doesn’t work out – come and get me!

Seriously – don’t you remember how great they were! They were great together. So fun. I want this to work!

Friends with exes

It’s 3am and I must be lonely.  That’s a Matchbox 20 song.  It’s also my life.

It pains me when I take the sleeping pill and still can’t sleep.  That means I’m foggy and really tired and yet somehow still awake.  I have 20 thoughts swirling around right now, several different ways I want to start this post.  I’ve already deleted four tries.

Those determined to be friends with their exes, as I am, are masochists.  I think it’s a good idea, I want to stay close to people who are have been so important to me, especially when the break up wasn’t particularly ugly.

Ted Mosby may not just be my fake dream guy, he may also be me.  In the first episode of season 3 Ted is dealing with his break up with Robin.  He takes time and does his break up routine – grows a beard, paints a room, etc – he’s not ready to date again.  Until his ex comes to the bar with the new boyfriend one night.  Then, he’s on a mission.

That leads me to tonight.  Adam Science and I broke up 3 months ago.  He recently indicated he was ready to be friends and for that I was so glad.  I’m a loyal person and if I’ve loved you I miss you like crazy.  I still want to be there to support you and hear what’s going on – I can’t just sever ties unless you’ve really done me wrong.    (Editor’s note: see abandonment issues post a couple days ago)  This may be at a detriment to my own mental health.  I push aside feelings I may still have for the person, or feelings I have unresolved from the break up to make sure the other party is ok and knows I’m here.

Adam Science and I have had a few conversations in the last couple of weeks and they have been really nice.  They were productive and we were communicating better than we had at the end of our relationship.  There was clarification and discussion and wounds were healing.  And I’m silly and I give girls a bad name, but somehow I read into this to think we could do this again.  And it would be better.  We would be better.

Until I heard about the moving on.  And then somehow the room went quiet, the floor fell away and I got punched in the stomach all at the same time.  I didn’t exactly expect to feel or react that way.  But I did.  I haven’t been able to entertain the possibility of a conversation with someone new yet and he’s dating.  Some seriously.  And it hurts.

Embarrassment is painful as an adult.

So I came home from dinner and just sobbed.  I’m stuck in this terrible place not moving anywhere and the world is moving on without me.  People are moving on.  My old co-workers are moving on.  I’m the same.  I feel small tonight and completely inconsequential.

But, like Ted Mosby, perhaps this will launch me into action.  Perhaps, whether I feel ready or not, I need to get out there.  Even if it’s not dating, I need to expand my social circle.  I need to realize my world is bigger than ex boyfriends and I need to put my needs and feelings first.   I need to move forward.  I need to get the image of my sexy ex boyfriend naked with some new girl out of my head.  Yuck.

Back to bed.


Why Ted Mosby is my dream guy

I used to be a big day dreamer.  I created these whimsical and fantastical scenarios.  Sometimes that led to extreme disappointment, e.g. the way I thought my ex-husband would present me with a house key vs. the way it actually went down.  More e.g., being in the most romantic city in the world (Paris) with Adam Science vs. the way it actually went down.  I keep hoping someone will keep up with my imaginary world in reality.  Or at least come close.

I’ve discussed here before my fairy tale complex and you gotta believe me when I say I have tempered it a great deal.  I suppose I refuse to let it all go.  I have, however, put the extreme day dreaming on hold.  Until I started reading The Secret.  If I don’t know what I’m looking for, if I don’t actively think about what I want, then how will I know it when I see it?

I day dream about going to work in a productive environment where my talents are recognized.

I day dream about running the marathon in my ruffled running skirt and name on my shirt.

I day dream about my cats getting along.

And recently, started day dreaming about the next relationship.

I needed a person to put in those day dreams.  I couldn’t have it be anyone I knew in real life because that may confuse things.  I needed a fictional character.  I’ve had a thing for Ted Mosby, the character from How I Met Your Mother, for a while, and tonight’s episode solidified my crush.  (Editor’s Note: Not Josh Radnor the actor who plays him – Ted Mosby, the fictional character.  It’s my day dream.)

Looks profile, check!

When asked what my “type” is, I respond with “I like tall, pasty, dark haired dorks.”  I do!  I think Ted fits the bill.

Two minute date was awesome

I want someone romantic.  I love gestures and bits and special plans.  Again, I’ve tempered them to have some basis in reality, but I do not believe romance should be a dying art.  And it doesn’t have to be much – it can be candles at dinner, living room floor picnics, sweet notes left on a fridge or in a purse.  Occasionally there should be thought put into plans and date nights out and flowers.  Girls like flowers.

My slowly coming back day dreams about romance and relationships center around romantic nights.  I know there will be mundane evenings, and afternoons full of football and mornings spent doing chores, but right now, I want to think about someone who puts some effort into an evening out.  In my day dream, there are gazebos.  That’s all I’m saying.

A guy who pines...

Ted Mosby would miss me if I was away.  Ted would want to see me and text me while I was away.  We’d have cute inside jokes.  Ted would have these deep feelings for me and would want to talk late into the night.

Pretend to understand the finer things

What I love about Ted is his desire to appreciate the finer cultural things in life.  His collection of strange hobbies (calligraphy, buying encyclopedias, collecting old coins) makes him interesting and means we will always have something to talk about.  I like to pretend I know more about wine and constellations than I really do.  We’ll get along just fine, Ted Mosby and I.

What really solidified my crush on imaginary characters was the concert that Ted begged everyone to go to on the episode this evening.  It was the Weird Al Yankovic concert.  Not only do I love Weird Al (I find him oddly attractive.  Please see my type above.  Make sense?) I have BEEN to one of his concerts.

Oh Weird Al, I love you!

So, for all of his romantic, pining, pretentious, Weird Al lovin’ ways – Ted Mosby is my guy.  And until I’m ready to actually start dating again, I’m pretty happy with this day dream version of the next guy.