Me in my cool new BG hoodie! Official gear of a college student, yes?
Grad school homework is a tad overwhelming.
Come to think of it, grad school is a tad overwhelming.
My first residency weekend was this past weekend. Three days of class and meeting new people and presentations and so much group work. There was a fair amount of getting to know you. I was overcome with this idea that I had to create an identity for myself. That I needed to be defined as the “__ person.” You know, the union guy, the weird lady, the bitchy one, the Purell guy, etc… That I needed to decide who I wanted to be, to portray myself as while I’m there. Is that odd? Wouldn’t most people show up and be themselves? Do I know myself at all?
I am a big fan of the Disc Profile. It’s a self assessment, similar to the Meyers Briggs. Disc looks at your behavioral tendencies and how you interact with the world. The last time I took this assessment I was working for the CVC, happy with my job and looking for answers in my personal life. I was a solid S. S for Steady. I like to be the work horse behind the people with the great ideas. I like to follow a plan. I wanted to apply that to grad school. I didn’t want to be out in front. I want to absorb and learn. I haven’t learned anything in a long time. I didn’t want to have to speak up at every question. And the good news is, there are plenty of showy people in class. The high I or high D personalities that like control. I don’t need to be it. The professor even spoke about this on the first day – we need to learn, not perform.
I took the assessment last week for my new job (which is going great, by the way!). You know what it came out? High I and D. And it’s not surprising. When I think of my last work experience, my most recent work at the casino and how that all ended, it’s not surprising that I think of trying to take over, take control of my environment.
I cannot explain how conflicting all of this is for me though. I am sure this sounds like a wackadoo post to anyone reading. I can’t put my finger on what’s pulling at me. But something is. Who do I want to be? What do I want to be? How do I feel I can be most successful in my environment?
Sheesh. I’m confident reading one of my text books is a better use of my time right now. I need to post some pictures soon. I need to cook some stuff soon. Free time is precious these days, friends.
Grad school is supposed to make me more coherent, yes? Or is this part of the higher education process. Learning about Organization Development and Change….and myself?
Sheesh I say again.
