The thing about having two part time jobs that have random schedules is that it is impossible to get into regular day to day habits.  Which also means I feel tired all the time.  That could also be because of the cats.  The cats!  But that’s a different post.

I demonstrated some of my ridiculousness last night.  I stayed up until 1am finishing a project that I should have finished a year ago.  And why?  Why now?  It’s a gesture.  Sigh.  I can’t even explain my line of reasoning right now.  Last year I said I would knit something.  I got halfway through it and then got distracted.  Last night I finished it.  I just needed to.  And to prove a point?  To try and make things right?  To say I’m sorry?  A little of all of the above.  At 1am I had several brilliant delivery options, almost all of them involved some play on a “Say Anything” / “Love Actually” montage.  You know that scene in Love Actually where the guy shows up outside of Kiera Knightley’s apartment with the music and the signs that he keeps flipping through without saying a word?  I love that scene.  It’s so tragically romantic.  And I felt I was in the same scenario.  I needed to drop this hat off and then just leave.  I wanted a more amicable ending to this story.  At 1am I had full blown plans to carry out this “bit”.  I love a “bit”.  I love big gestures and special moments and romance.  The good news, is that at 5:20am when my alarm went off to “carry out” this “bit” I came to my senses.   I did not think that intended recipient of this gesture would appreciate my point of view.  In fact, I saw doors being slammed in my face.  (Seriously, I even awoke suddenly from a dream in which the back of my car was slammed into.  I think it was symbolism.)

Which leads me to this thought – why do I think I know what’s best for other people sometimes?  Why do I think I’M what’s best for people?  Claire used to ask me that at work from time to time.  Why am I so confident I know what’s best?

Sigh.  I got a little bit more sleep.  I got a lot of coffee from downstairs.  I’ve become a bigger coffee drinker.  I think it started when Meg was here.  I continue to grow in my coffee appreciation.  Cappuccinos are expensive.  Regular coffee is only a $1 if you bring your own mug.  I’m a girl on a budget.  I got a dollar.  I’m about two weeks away from drinking straight black coffee.  Sign of growth?

Ok.  I’m off to mail a hat.