Category Archives: Sarah

The New Year is here

Posted by sarah3030 in blogging, friends, growth, running, Sarah, The job. and tagged with , , ,

I don’t have any resolutions to share.

I am proud of myself for not waiting for this new year to put into place the things I wanted to happen.  I applied and was accepted to grad school when I had no idea how I was going to pay for it.  But thousands of people figure out how to pay for it, right?  I knew I would too.  I didn’t wait for this year to start to begin my longest half marathon training process ever, I ran my first 5K a couple of weeks ago.  I didn’t sit around and collect unemployment and wait for a job to fall in my lap.  I took on my random part time jobs where I met new people, learned new things and got out of the house, even though the combined total from those two part time jobs was never more than an unemployment check was.  My friend Claire likes to point out that I was essentially volunteering during this time because I still got partial unemployment during that time.

I have a “word” for 2012.  It’s FOCUS.  I have three big undertakings in 2012, things I began in 2011 and are only going to get more intense:

  1. Disney Princess half marathon training for Feb ’13  (I know – longest training process ever.  I know.)
  2. New job.  As a corporate trainer that has just moved to an entirely new industry (casinos to groceries) I know there is much to learn on top of a very rigorous training schedule.
  3. Grad school.  So much reading!  I’ve always been smart, but I’ve never been an exceptional student.  Creating good study habits is going to be a challenge.

Making time for all of these things in addition to life getting in the way is going to be my challenge.  Therefore, I choose to FOCUS this year.  So, instead of creating a list of lofty goals and books to read and instruments to tackle – I’ll FOCUS on these and see what else happens.

This new year snuck in.  I’ve been sicker this week than I can remember being in a long time.  I’m fortunate to never have sinus or allergy issues.  I’m experiencing my first sinus infection and it is wiping me out.  From a couple of days before New Years Eve until last night I was pretty much bed bound.  I had a few friends over for New Years Eve, but even they were out by 10pm.  I was even driven to purchase and experiment with a Neti Pot for the first time.  I have a few friends who swear by them and I will admit I felt relief after using it.  Also glad I live alone while using it.  Least sexy thing ever, I imagine.

Happy New Year to all of you.  I’m excited to enter this year with intent and purpose.  And a place to share it all.

Simple things

Posted by sarah3030 in growth, Happy, My story continues, Sarah, work it out and tagged with , , ,

If you’ve known me for even a minute, you may know that I go back and forth on wanting to be a runner.  It’s something I want to say about myself.  That I run.  It’s how I want to see a new city, to go for an early morning job.  I want one of those widgets on the side of my blog that tracks how many miles a week I run.  And after watching the marathon, I want to run for the accessories, like running skirts.

Here’s what my ultimate running goal is: The Disney Princess 1/2 marathon.  Yes.  I first heard about it just last year.  With the year this was, dedicating myself to training for it did not take priority.  But I want to do it.  I want to be a part of this experience.  I want the tiara shaped medal you get.  And just LOOK at this video…

Check out these fun outfits!!  Last night I was on the treadmill and the thought that got me through the workout was how to fashion a tiara to a headband that will keep my hair out of my face.  Hey, you have your motivation, I have mine.

I clearly won’t be ready for the 2012 race.  So, this is a 2013 goal.  Which is perfect in another way.  Disney World is adding and expanding the Fantasyland section of the Magic Kingdom and all updates should be done by then!  I see 1/2 marathon and Disney vacation in my (year away!) future.

More things making me happy right now – Newsies is coming to Broadway!  Newsies is a live action Disney musical about newsboys in 1899.  I have loved it since 8th grade.  It’s where my true love for Christian Bale began.  And it’s coming to Broadway!!  I’ve already contacted my East Coast friends – I’ll meet them there in April!

"Dis is for da Newsies!"

 

I love that butternut squash is in season.  I love that it’s so chilly at night and my cat Quinn is extra cuddly.  I love that it’s fall movie season and I have plenty of free time right now to see all the ones I want.  I love that my friend Claire told me it’s not that I have quit things in the past, it’s that I picked the wrong thing to begin with.  I love the song that plays on the Lowe’s commercial right now (Home..is where you are..you can come home to me..).

Mostly, though, I love that I can dress up like Tinkerbell to run a race….stay tuned for progress.  I feel good about this.

 

Last night on my mind

Posted by sarah3030 in Crazy., My story continues, Sarah and tagged with , ,

Last night’s post is still on my mind.

I will say that sometimes I think a private journal may be a more appropriate outlet for some of the thoughts I have.  Perhaps last night was one of those times.  I don’t know, and maybe I don’t care.  I do know that it felt good to write down what I’m thinking.  I believe that for myself, things aren’t real until they are written.  Rather than continue on with Fear & Self Loathing in St. Louis in silence, I wrote it down.

With all of that still top of mind for me this article presented itself to me this morning and it ended with this:

Your unresolved stories are sick. More specifically — they’re making you sick.

Unresolved stories are like ancient poison. Not enough to kill you. Just enough to numb out your potential.

What’s your broken-record track?
What’s the ancient spiel your best friend or partner have long-since learned to tune out?
What’s the New Year’s resolution that garners a recurring spot, every year?
What’s gone on so long, it’s laughable? Ridiculous? Supremely unacceptable?

And what’s it going to take to tear that old story outta the book of your life, with a violent riiiii-iiiip?

Right off. Yeowch. Like a band-aid. It’s time. And a half.

I do wish the article ended with some more solid steps to break the cycle.  I’m looking forward to health insurance again when I can resume meetings with my favorite therapist.  She was incredibly helpful in resolving my ex-husband anger/hurt issues.  I look forward to seeing what she can do with this.  What ultimately I’ll do about this.  About what the article called supremely unacceptable.

I’m off to do some dishes.  I can finish that.

Stream of conscious + gin & tonic = the following

Posted by sarah3030 in Cat, Crazy., growth, heavy, My story continues, Sarah and tagged with , , ,

I have to be the best at weird things.  One of the part time jobs I’m working is a kitchen assistant.  I do a lot of dishes in this job. A lot of backing up the chef.  I have a strong desire to be the best and most requested back up.  I need them to like me and think I’m competent and awesome.  This is ironic because I’m not the best at it.  My own kitchen is so messy.  I also have to be the best at typing.  Even though I know I’m not ultimately the best typist in the world, I am the best typist of the people I know.  That’s enough for me right now.

This is what I look like right now.  I’m in bed.  I’m watching Say Yes to the Dress.  I have an orange tabby cat in my lap.  This particular orange tabby cat has figured out how to take his collar off and has done it no less than 4 times today.  Right now, I have no idea where the collar is.  I know where it isn’t – on his neck.  Oh, Oliver.

I have almost no follow through.  This is constantly on my mind.  I don’t finish anything.  I’m surprised I finished that last sentence.  The list of things I think are a good idea and then disregard is long and frightening.  What is wrong with my brain?  Or my willpower?  Or my dedication?  Or my conviction?  What is it?  Do I feel I’m not worth finishing?  Am I waiting for something?  Do I have a fear of disappointing myself?  Someone else?  Am I waiting for someone to finish things with me?

Along those lines, I’ve decided I have abandonment and trust issues.  From dad dying?  From boyfriends dumping me?  From husbands thinking I wasn’t worth sticking it out with?  From cats spurning the collars I gave them? Is this internal?  Isn’t it a classic syndrome – keep people at arms length so they can’t hurt you?  Didn’t Stephanie Tanner do that in an episode of Full House in 1989?

What is wrong with me?  How do I learn to embrace a goal and to see it to fruition?  I used to be unstoppable.  Lately I feel full of hot air.  I explode and I’m left with scraps around me.  I used to be unstoppable.

When will I put myself first?  I would go to extraordinary lengths to complete a task for someone else, to throw them the best party, or be there when they needed me.  Why won’t I be there for myself?

How do you make a plan for the day and stick to it?  How do I become more accountable to myself?  This is all I can think about lately, so here it is live and on the blog.  I’ve been scared to post new things I’m interested in just to not finish them, again & publicly.

I’m off to start a new book that will eventually sit on my nightstand with a bookmark 2/3 through it.  While I read I’m going to watch a movie that I will fall asleep during.  All the while abandoning a game of Scrabble I have half finished on my iphone.

Oh dear.

 

 

How Birthday was done

Posted by sarah3030 in My story continues, Sarah and tagged with

My own personal new year has begun.  My requests for low key birthday were all met and very appreciated.  I know I’m very lucky that there are people who want to celebrate with me.   And celebrate we did, just in a smaller way.

My friend Angela kicked off birthday festivities by taking me to get a pedicure.  It was much needed and really a perfect gift and outing.

Don't they look nice?

Birthday Eve included Zumba class with my favorite instructor, lunch with my ex-brother and sister in law (I always liked them!  It’s a terrible fact of divorce that you end up leaving friends or family you enjoyed behind) and dinner with my friend Renee.  Renee and I went to restaurant called the Bleeding Deacon in town.  It is a complete dive bar that has some of the most amazing food, including a good selection of vegetarian options.  They also have a Green Goddess dressing that is so delicious.  It is not the typical creamy kind, it’s a blend of fresh herbs and olive oil.  Over a simple side salad it is perfection.  Hmmm. I may have to go for lunch again this week and really focus on how to make the dressing.

Just after lunch I stopped by a St. Louis institution that I had never been to – Merb’s Candies.  Merb’s is most known for something called the Bionic Apple.  A huge apple dipped in thick, gooey caramel and coated in pecans.  Can you picture it?  You don’t need to – I pictured it for you -

Do you see this goodness?

Look at how thick this caramel is!

It's not a snack, it's a meal.

Actually Birthday started with a mini boot camp workout led by Angela (pedi friend).  She shows up to my house at 7:30am with, “Happy Birthday.  Too bad all I brought you was pain.”  And indeed, it was painful.  That girl can plank like nobodies business.  After that I met with everyone’s favorite chocolatier to see what kind of special events he needed me to cover for the shop in October.  He informed me that they were short a few employees now and headed into their busiest season and would I like to work in the shop a few hours a week.  Of course I would!  I’m officially a Kakao Chocolate employee and it feels good.  I won’t be making any of the confections, I’ll be packaging and customer service.  I love it.

Once that was settled I met Claire for lunch at Chava’s – a great Mexican place in the Soulard neighborhood.  Mexican food is my favorite and lunch was perfect.  How is Mexican food ever a bad idea?  Side note about what I ordered there: fish tacos.  Before Meg moved out she took me to a place called Tortillaria because she believes they have the best fish tacos in St. Louis.  They were very good.  AND very affordable if you make it there during happy hour.  Usually at Chava’s I get enchiladas.  On my birthday, I thought I’d compare my recent Tortillaria fish tacos with Chava’s fish tacos.  Tortillaria maintains it’s best in St. Louis fish taco.  I think it’s the spicy sour cream they use.  Also, that there’s no cheese on them. I prefer no cheese on a fish taco.

After lunch I ran a quick errand and ended up back at home to watch this week’s Project Runway.  I also had a fun birthday box to open from my friend Cyndi!  It was an incredibly thoughtful collection of presents.

Birthday treats in a box!

I know it’s hard to see all of the elements.  Birthday treats included new notecards and some really fun cupcake papers and toppers.  Both very cute things that go with things I love – writing a handwritten note and baking!  The third item is in the gold envelope in the back.  It’s a necklace from Dogeared.  If you’re not familiar with Dogeared, they have all kinds of “feel good” jewelry.  Often the pieces have a story or a good feeling attached to them, like Karma, peace, etc.  I always browse their site when I’m in the mood for new simple and signature pieces, but have a hard time deciding which one I like the best.  Cyndi made it easy by sending me one that signified New Beginnings.  It’s a delicate gold lotus flower charm.  I’m thrilled to have it and I haven’t taken it off since.  I don’t wear a lot of gold jewelry – but perhaps that’s something I’ll do now that I’m 32.

I met my sister Emilie for dinner at our favorite Indian food restaurant where we had dinner, conversation about the new tv shows that have debuted so far this fall, gossiped about people we know and she gave me the latest season of How I Met Your Mother!   It was a fairly early night and I was very happy to come straight home, pour a glass of wine and begin watching this particular present.

All in all, the day was simple and lovely, full of the people I care about the most.  That’s a birthday.  Until next year.  Perhaps I’ll want the hoopla back and the month of birthday festivities.  We shall see.  I can’t think about that yet, I’m thinking about how to make this year count.

Happy Birthday to me.