Category Archives: Crazy.

A story. In many, many parts.

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I. Vacation

I was on vacation last week.  I took the opportunity to stay away from most social media while I was gone.  It was really nice.  All of it was nice.  It was a vacation in three distinct phases.  I took almost no pictures and I’m going to try and capture the highlights.  Which as I sit here seems incredibly daunting because last week was monumental.  It was a week that goes in the Sarah History book.  That sounds dramatic, but, you’ll see…

My time away started 40 minutes north of Asheville, NC at a big, beautiful cabin at the top of a mountain.  6 bedrooms, amazing kitchen, 5 classmates, 2 facilitators and an emotional experience to beat the band.  A few classmates and I chose to be part of a organizational behavior process called a T Group.  It’s an experience that focuses on feelings in the here and now.  There are only two rules – use “I” statements and you must remain in the present – if the experience, feeling, person, etc isn’t in the room then they are not in the conversation.  It’s intense and there’s a real learning curve for those rules.  I really didn’t know what to expect going in and I purposely kept myself in the dark about the expectations of the weekend so I wouldn’t create biases.

Warning: cheesy ahead.  I can’t describe the weekend.  It was every bit as intense as promised and I love these classmates and facilitators I went through it with in a very special way, as they were witness and participants to this work.  I felt overwhelmed, confused, sad, bad, mad, glad and afraid at certain parts.  I really experienced change and internalized awareness.

I also felt a yearning.  Marcus Buckingham, who presents on the Strength Finders assessment and co-authored a good deal about the topic, says one should pay attention to the yearnings – those intense callings to something.  For me, it was Graphic Facilitation.  One of our facilitators also worked as a graphic facilitator – a tool to visually record and organize a meeting, process, thoughts, etc.  You can go here for some examples.  A friend of mine had recently posted on FB that she was taking a graphic recording workshop and I was really intrigued then.  Once I saw this facilitator complete some of it – I was hooked.

I’m getting off track.  (I could use a graphic recording for this post.)  That was vacation part 1 and it was great. Vacation part 2 was EVEN GREATER!

Mystery Man (actually, it’s not much of a mystery any longer – let’s call him D from here on, shall we?  I shall.) D and I left the retreat and headed to a different cabin atop a different mountain.  It was a belated birthday present – a peaceful trip off the grid and a chance for us to spend time together – no school, no hotels, no classmates, no kids, no pets – just he and I spending actual time together.  The cabin we found was right out of Sleeping Beauty – when the King and Queen send Aurora to live in the woods so the evil lady can’t find her?  It was like that.  A sweet, little, comfortable cabin for two.  We had everything we needed, including lots of dry firewood to make lots of fires while we curled up, played Scrabble and I was introduced to Duck Dynasty.  (Which I surprisingly loved.)  We hiked, and read, and talked, and napped and sat in the hot tub under the stars (more on that later).

Vacation moved on to West Virginia for the next few days, but took on a different tone.  D organized an offsite retreat for the company he works for and I was along for the ride.  I went to a few dinners with them and spent some time at the spa and managed to have breakfast at the Greenbriar with my friend Meg.

II. Boys

So, let’s talk about boys.  One boy, in particularly.  And, man is probably the more appropriate term.  D is in the master’s program with me and we’ve been seeing each other when we can – mostly school weekends.  The more I see him, know him, listen to him, understand him, learn about him, make him laugh, ask him…the more I like him.  He was always my favorite classmate and transitioning to him being my favorite guy has been really wonderful.

This week was something new for us – spending 8 consecutive days together is a first.  And not just regular days – intense retreat days, fairy tale cabin days and then work conference days.  Each of those phases brought different aspects of me to the relationship.  Sometimes I’m good, sometimes I’m a lot to take.  And I’m constantly afraid people are getting tired of me.

There were two distinct and dichotomous moments on this trip.  That shouldn’t seem like blog-worthy news.  Couples have highs and lows.  The intensity of these two moments came in such a short time span that both left me speechless in their own way.  I’m hesitant to describe either of them here because I know we have mutual acquaintances who read me blather on here – and while I opened myself up to public viewing of my thoughts – he didn’t necessarily sign up for that.  So, those are stories going in the old fashioned hand written journal.

III. Lists

If you’ve ever wandered over to the page on this blog entitled List 2.0 you’ll see my list of things to do before I die.  An oddly specific item is this:

Spend time in a cabin in Asheville, NC to recharge, hike and sit in a hot tub under the stars

I know.  Oddly specific.  I attribute it to the blog Peanut Butter Runner.  I started reading a lot of fitness and running blogs when I started training for the half and ran across this one.  Jen lives in Charlotte and gets away to Asheville, NC pretty regularly.  I was reading her Asheville posts – about the great food, funky vibe and the cabin and the hiking and I was overcome with the yearning to do this.  (Pay attention to yearnings!)  Onto The List it went and crossed off it is.  I felt incredibly recharged after just a couple of days at the fairy tale log cabin with D.  Monday night, after Scrabble, after dinner, after some more Duck Dynasty – the clouds had all gone away and there were stars.  I sat outside and tilted my head back so it was resting on the edge of the hot tub behind me and just stared at the stars.  And made lots and lots of wishes.  It was a beautiful moment, and a really romantic one at that.

IV. Wishes coming true

So, then this thing happened where I got a job.  A stars-aligned into the perfect scenario kind of job.  April 2nd I was told my position is being eliminated.  April 15 I was told I wasn’t right for this job.  April 30 – I kind of bombed a technical interview they put me through on a 2nd chance.  May 7 – I have a 20 minute interview with the actual hiring manager and I have the offer 24 hours later.  And it’s not just a job.  It’s a job that will let me do what I’ve been doing and am good at for the last 8 years and combine that with the Organizational Development tools and concepts I’ve been working on with my master’s.  It’s this perfect bridge to the other side of Organizational Change Management – which is what I want to do.  It’s a job where my title is consultant.  It’s a job that will pay me enough to start paying back the school loans I took out to get the legitimate education behind what I want to do.  It’s a job that makes me feel valued.  Like all the steps back in the last few years were worth it – because this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.  I’ll be moving to Columbus, OH in just a couple of weeks.

I’ve never been to Columbus, OH before.  I really need to figure this out.

When I think about the roller coaster of the last 6 weeks, it’s nothing compared to the roller coaster of these 6 days!  Leaving the school retreat content to start thinking about what comes next and focus on what I’m good at and two days later have that job in hand.  I had no idea what the week would bring when it started – but I almost like that it all happened so close together.  We never know when the biggest days (or week) of our life is going to be – and this was absolutely one of the biggest weeks of my life.

I can say this next sentence without it being scary…

I don’t know what happens next!

I don’t know where in Columbus I’m moving, I don’t know what happens next with D, I don’t know who I’ll work with, I don’t know exactly what the work will turn out to be…and I can hardly wait to find out!

My week in five songs

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This WordPress daily inspiration caught my eye over the weekend:

Tell us how your week went by putting together a playlist of  five songs that represent it.

It’s Monday – so here we go going back a week ago tonight.

Don’t let me get me by Pink

There’s a line in the song, “I’m a hazard to myself.”  Sometimes I am.  I like to self diagnose myself as “better” pretty regularly so then I decide I can stop taking the “crazy pill”.  Save your lectures.  I’ve actually heard them all before.  January and February were no exception and by late February/early March I was not doing well.  And it took a well timed phone call from a friend who recognized the symptoms to straighten me out.  I found myself sitting at my kitchen island pouring my guts out and recognizing feelings I usually try to stuff in a tiny box.  It was weird, man.  She made me promise her I would do two things the next day – take the Zoloft and go to Zumba.  I did both.  And I felt better.  And I did the same thing the next day, and the next.  And I feel better.

You can’t stop the beat by the cast of Hair Spray

Ex Hubs and I never really had a song, because while he loved music, we rarely listened to any together.  He didn’t listen to music in the car (except the Once soundtrack and that was a monumental occasion when I found out he BOUGHT a CD to PLAY in the CAR!).  But, we did see a lot of movies and musicals.  And I am bad at song lyrics.  And I kept singing the lyrics to this song wrong for the week following seeing the movie.  And it’s in my weekly roundup for these lyrics:

Cause you cant stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But I never ask why
And if you try to hold me down 
I’m gonna spit in your eye and say 
That you cant stop the beat!

Oh oh oh
You can’t stop today
As it comes speeding down the track
Child, yesterday is hist’ry
And it’s never coming back

I went to this shindig with him for a couple hours Saturday night and it’s so easy and comfortable and the past is the past and it’s never coming back.  And because he and I are friends doesn’t stop any kind of forward motion in our lives.  Also, every now and then he still knows EXACTLY what I need and Saturday night it was, “Okay, I know you want to talk about the menu for this little dinner party you’re having this weekend – have at it.”  And guys, I DID want to talk about the menu for the dinner party!  (Do you think I could start one more sentence with “and”?)

Arms by Christina Perri

1.  It’s a beautiful song.

2. It’s about a chick with boundaries who thinks about letting someone in.  So… OOSMD is coming to STL for the first time this weekend.  I’ve become a little weird about my space.  Letting someone see your house for the first time is really personal, right?  Is this just me?  Which is good – because I know I’ll feel comfortable in my house and not mildly anxiety riddled like I get when I’m a houseguest at his place.  For the past week I’ve been looking at my place trying to see it like someone who has never been there will see it.

There is cat hair everywhere.

Mostly all I can think about is: I’m going to have to explain to someone why the washer and dryer are set up like they are.  I forget that it’s weird until I have to explain to someone.  I’ll post a picture sometime.  This is a weird concept to explain.  I’ve just created such a safe zone in my apartment and I don’t let just anyone in the safe zone.  There’s been this distance to this relationship that exists in places that aren’t my home so far – which has been frustrating and…safe.  Sigh.  Nevermind.  I’m so weird.

Feel this moment by Pitbull, featuring Christina Aguilera

This was a new song in my Zumba class that made me smile and feel good.  I’ve been using it whenever I needed a little dance break during studying and homework all weekend.

Feeling good by Michael Buble

Because I saw this video:

Enough said.  Watch the clip.  It’s so cool.  You will not regret it.

Which do you want first?

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Bad news: I work for the most ridiculous company.

Good news: So does my best friend.

Bad news: Ridiculous company does not have very good prescription insurance resulting in this amount of money being spent on 30 pills!  I mean, I knew I was going to spend part of my tax refund on a little treat.  I did not think it would be this…

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Good news: I immediately went to the wine section to, you know, get something to wash the really expensive medicine down with, only to find my favorite cheap wine even cheaper today!  (2 for $10!!)

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Bad news:  It’s rainy and gross outside and took a while to get home.

Good news: Sam Cooke radio station on Pandora.

Bad news: Running out to my car in the rain to reach into my back seat to grab a box only to have a slipper fall off and land in a puddle.

Good news: It landed plastic bottom side down!  Minimal water seepage ensues!

Bad news: I pulled up the Domino’s pizza delivery site.

Good news: I immediately came to my senses and shut it down!  Veggie enchiladas are now in the oven.

Bad news: I have a crap ton of homework to do.

Good news: I’m probably not going to start it until after tonight’s all new HIMYM!

 

Harnessing the power of the secret

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I’m working through the blah mood and reaching back for the strong mental will that I found with the running.  I remember running four miles for the first time.  I would tell anyone who would listen that I was going to run four miles that weekend.  I made the special playlist for four miles.  I rehearsed the route mentally.

The Secret says you have to ask the universe for what you’re looking for and then believe and act like it’s going to happen.  So, here I am.  I am putting it out there in the universe.

I have a job interview Tuesday that is going to be amazing and it will be clear I am the only candidate for the position.

I’m getting my taxes done tomorrow and the refund coming my way will be awesome.

And I’m combining the positive thoughts going out into the troposphere with a picture.  Because a picture is worth a thousand words.  On a recent stumble down memory lane I found some old pictures and I thought I would find one that made me feel happy and confident and strong and reminded me that I’m the coolest and can do anything I put my mind to (except, apparently  my taxes)- right, Barbie?!

I'm choosing this picture - with my original "girls". Probably the highest performing work team I've ever been on. We were smart and we knew what we were doing and we were tenacious and we also fought crime at night.

I’m choosing this picture (circa 2005) with my original “girls”. Probably the highest performing work team I’ve ever been on. We were smart and we got stuff done and worked through conflict and we were tenacious and we also fought crime at night.  My super power is always picking the right restaurant and instead of a cape, I have super hair.  Thinking of Ann and Amy will give me a boost.

Here we are with some other co-workers at the most awesome lounge in Las Vegas - the Peppermill. It is tragically hip and stuck in 1978. It is the best of old Las Vegas.

Here we are with some other co-workers at the most awesome lounge in Las Vegas – the Peppermill. It is tragically hip and stuck in 1978. It is the best of old Las Vegas.

There we go.  Stated intentions.  I’ve told the universe what’s up.  And, thinking of these ladies and that time in my life gives me energy and confidence.  Mindful meditation!  Ann, Amy – be with me now!

Being Sarah while being with someone else

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I have this thing where I’m always distracted by something.  I have a tv on (sometimes two) while I’m puttering around the house doing chores.  I play my ipod in the shower (how else does one sing along?).  I listen to Pandora while I study.  I’m overly addicted to the beeping from my phone.

And if not that kind of stimulation, than it’s activity.  I like to stay busy.  I’ll cook while taking photos of it.  And then I’ll blog about it.  While drinking wine.

I’m resolving to be more mindful in this new year.  Today I had an unexpected day off.  I took down the Christmas tree with minimal pine needle devastation throughout the apartment.  I talked to a grad school friend via Google Hangout for an hour or so over coffee this morning. I rearranged the living room furniture (a must after the tree came down.)  I downloaded a book by an author that Running Buddy has been talking up for months (As You Wish by Jackson Pearce – if you’re interested.  It’s young adult fiction – which I love.  Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, one of my faves.  Phantom Tollbooth, wise beyond it’s years.)  I gave myself permission to lay in my darkened room (because one of the activities I did was hang room darkening shades in my bedroom and Oh My Goodness I’m so happy I did.  I wish I would have done that ages ago!  Things I’m learning about myself – I like to sleep in the dark.) and read.  I read about half of it.  And then I put it down and just lay on my bed.  Without the intent to nap.  Without the intent to turn on the television.  I just let myself think.  I didn’t grab my phone.  I didn’t have my laptop at my fingertips.

I got some more work done around here and then decided to knock a movie off my Netflix Instant Queue.  It wasn’t very good and I wasn’t giving it my full attention, but for some reason when it was over I shut my laptop and sat on my couch and once again – spent some time with my thoughts.

The movie did not have a happy relationship ending so my mind drifted to relationship thoughts, naturally.  I thought about the musical The Last Five Years, which I just recently downloaded the cast recording to (musicals don’t have soundtracks – they have cast recordings.  I have a dear friend who will correct anyone who says otherwise.  I learned the hard way.)

Then I started thinking about me.  I think the happiness project stuff is still weighing on me, which is good.  I don’t want that to be a passing fad.  I’m proud to say I’ve made my bed every day in January.  Progress.

Be Sarah.  I thought about relationships and being Sarah.  I ran through several of the big ones and thought about what was successful and not successful in them.  I thought about when I was comfortable and when I wasn’t.  I thought about sex and intimacy and how I’m so weird about differentiating those two things.  Anyone can have sex.  Whatever.  You want to get to know me – that’s going to take some time.  I have my reasons.  They’re deep seeded.  That’s a whole other story.

I digress.

The point is – it was nice to spend some time with my thoughts.  When I chill the heck out and just listen to myself it was easy enough to find and be Sarah.  I’ll need to do with less distraction more often.  There was a moment when I very clearly saw all the screens I had up with all the images of Sarah I try and project to the world.  And then I very clearly saw me behind all of them.  Is this what meditation does?  Man, 15 minutes a day of this and I’m going to have the answers to the world’s problems.  Because after this quiet time I felt like I was on solid ground for the first time in I don’t know how long.  2013 is already proving to be the beginning of a few big things – job searches and new cities and relationship potential…I’ll need to Be Sarah through those things.  I feel it slipping away when I’m around people.  I feel like I need to wear the right hat among different groups.  Actual Sarah kind of impressed me tonight with some of her thoughts.  After last semester I forgot for a second that I’m interesting and smart and creative and not nearly as flighty as I’ve felt (stupid sets in when you like a boy, doesn’t it?).  All I want to do right now is have a conversation with anyone about the books I’m reading, thoughts on monogamy in today’s society (the movie I watched had this as a theme), bad poetry and foods I tend to burn.  That passage from The Happiness Project really stuck with me – we do new and different things and we become new and different.  We become interesting at the dinner party.  When someone says “What’s New” we have stuff to say.  I’m going to walk to the bar up the street and strike up conversations with strangers.

Maybe I need to lay off the self help books.

But I’m sticking with this meditation thing.  Unlocking my brain would be okay.

Under the influence of exhaustion

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I know better than to write when I’m this tired.  It could be worse.  I could have taken sleeping pills, have those not work, still be awake and try to write.  Those usually led to some pretty fantastic blog posts…Fantastic in the most sarcastic sense of the word.  See here and, my absolute favorite crazy girl post I ever wrote, here for examples.

WordPress, where I host this blog, sends daily emails with writing prompts.  Questions to answer, stories to tell, memories to relive and secret thoughts to bare to the online world.  There have been a few tempting prompts lately:

  • What question do you hate to answer? (My answer: Have you ever thought about having kids?  Don’t get me started.)
  • If there were a fountain of youth, would you drink from it? (Only a little.  I think I’d like to stay this age for some time.  I don’t particularly want to be in my 20′s again.  I like the idea of 33 forever.)
  • What’s your ideal Saturday morning and are you doing it?  (That prompt was obviously sent on a Saturday morning.)

I rarely use this blog as a forum to dive into my past, or dive into how or why I believe what I do.  Maybe answering some of those questions would be fun.  Maybe they would let me feel like I am doing some of the creative writing that I used to love to do.  Or, maybe it would just be a continuation of the exercise in narcissism that I have lately believed this blog to be.  I feel like I ramble a lot about my present situations.  Most of which are pretty trivial.  Maybe I could craft a better story or meaningful post if I followed a prompt one day.  There are all of these books of questions that you can buy – they’re the things I’m forever trying to get people engaged in on a road trip or something.  But I like when people tell me stories.

It’s 1:15am.  I should be sleeping.

It was really, really windy in St. Louis today.

I want to read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green but I’m afraid it’s just going to make me cry for days.

My family’s Christmas is this Saturday.  Which makes actual Christmas Eve and Christmas Day way less stressful.  I mostly just sit around and make pancakes and have some kind of tv show marathon.

I typed a paragraph here about something.  Then I deleted that paragraph.  I just edited myself on my blog.  That doesn’t happen very often.  Especially at 1:31am.

Quinn has been more affectionate than usual lately.  It’s because it’s cold in my apartment and she wants to use me as a furnace.

Okay – my eyes are sleepy.  This quality rambling can cease.  For now.

Dang it, Ted Mosby! Be my boyfriend!

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Last night was one of those kind of perfect evenings where I don’t mind one bit that I live by myself with two furry, purry cats.  I had the tree lit up.  I was reading a book.  I turned on the tv to watch How I Met Your Mother and was met with several surprises.  1. A super great episode. 2. A SECOND super great episode!  3. Barney almost topping Ted as most adorable character on the show.

I love a “bit” and what Barney pulls off last night to show Robin how he feels was just so fantastic.  I like to believe insane, over the top gestures like that exist in the world.

I love that Ted and Robin and Barney are all characters that I’ve spent 6 years with (I didn’t start watching until the 3rd season.  I caught up quickly – no worries) and I just love that they’re growing up.  I’m the same age as the characters in this show and I think that’s why I get more attached to their story lines than say, characters on Grey’s Anatomy.  I’m nothing like those people.  But I’m a lot like Ted Mosby, who is a big dreamer.  And someone, as he says in last night’s episode, who is an expert in the field of making an ass out of themselves as they figure out what they want to do in life.  I’m like Barney who goes out of his way to make a “play” for a big reaction.  I’m like Robin with her borders and boundaries, but with a warm gooey middle.

mosby

Mostly, I’m just crazy about that Ted Mosby.  Dreamy, starry-eyed, thoughtful, considerate, cute as a button Ted Mosby.  Ted Mosby who struggles living in the present because he wants to know what is coming next.  Ted who just wants to be in love and happy and have a partner.  And he’s a little impatient.  I get it.

There’s a line from the movie Sleepless in Seattle.  Rosie O’Donnell says to Meg Ryan, “You don’t want to be in love, you want to be in love in the movies.”  Sigh.  I’m afraid that’s me.  I want to be in love in How I Met Your Mother.

Come and find me, Ted!

Come and find me, Ted!

I did find a new band because of the show as well.  I downloaded the song that was playing at the end of the 2nd episode – Let Your Heart Hold Fast by Fort Atlantic.   You can probably assume that I’m going to turn it on repeat for the next hour or so.  ”Let your heart hold fast for this soon shall pass like the high tide takes the sand…”

Enjoy the moment, right?  Don’t be impatient for the future, right?  Remember that Ted Mosby is a fictional character, right?  Check. Check.  Working on it…

I see you!

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My countdown to Thanksgiving continues…

The subject line eludes to my thankfulness for technology.  Isn’t that a strange thing to be thankful for?  Oh well, my list.  My sister and I were having dinner for her birthday last week and we got to talking about Dad and how we just wish there were more photos of him.  Or video!!  What would we give for some home movies of dad.  Had any of us had a smart phone while Dad was around we wouldn’t have thought twice about recording his silly shuffle dance around the kitchen on a Friday night, or him singing his ridiculous made up songs or record him in the act of playing some kind of prank on one of us.  I don’t think this is the only thing that has led me to be an extreme photo taker (I’ve taken upwards of 400 pictures at a dinner party with people I saw daily) but it probably didn’t hurt.

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How else would I capture pictures of me and the grandparents?  (Grandpa was confused by the phone being a camera and by the screen swiveling around.  He didn’t understand why he could see himself.)

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Grandma was confused too.  She thought we were recording.  That’s why she’s waving.

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I’m glad my camera is always close by for shots of Oliver who is also always close by.

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Glad to take photos of the food I make.  And yes, those are sugared blueberries on top of lemon cupcakes.

And I’m glad it’s around to take pictures of sisters.

I like sharing pictures of race stats on Twitter, a great craft project on Pinterest and just texting someone with a picture that made me think of them.  A picture really does say 1000 words.

And it’s not just photos – Skype and Face Time and Google Hangouts are making people I like seeing easier to see.  I have a regular “coffee” date with two women I go to school with over Google hangout on Sunday mornings.  It’s fun to sit on the couch with my coffee mug and chat with the girls.  It’s nice to do homework with my favorite classmate and compare test answers.  This technology is making the world smaller in a good way.

The incessant photo taking could be seen as rampant narcissism.  I know.  But I do go back and look at photos, I do like to remember.  And I’m happy to have such a full life with so much to remember.  Even if it’s just a good hair day.

I like crazy town, they know me here.

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I have lost three Mac laptop chargers to Oliver, the cat.  I know, fool me once, shame on you.  Chew through me three times, shame on me.  I got it.  I bought an off brand one for the 4th charger, it was 1/4 the cost!  And everything was going great until I got home from Gentleman Friend’s house last night, settled in to do some homework, went to plug in and nothing.  No light.  No charge.  No good.

I bought a new phone this past Saturday.  It’s that girl thing where you need a drastic and immediate change.  Usually we cut our hair.  Okay, I, usually I cut my hair.  I did not want to cut my hair.  So, I bought a new phone.

Look how happy I was with my decision to buy the new phone!

There are a few features of the iphone I don’t love and I had seen reviews and pictures and hoopla over this new Samsung Galaxy III and I thought change would be good.  Until I realize that there are some Apple to Apple communication problems.  Many of my iPhone havin’ friends’ texts weren’t getting through because they were being delivered on the Apple user network and not a real network.  And no, I don’t really know what I’m talking about, I only know I wasn’t getting texts from iPhone users.

My new phone. The Samsung Galaxy SIII. It’s got a lot of cool stuff. Lots of motion detecting things. I should learn them.

I had a mini anxiety attack.  Stupid new phone that I don’t understand.  Stupid knock off Mac charger.  Stupid power that flickered 7 times in the span of an hour.

Can you feel my anxiety?  It was palpable.

Gentleman Friend to the rescue.  I call him to freak out and be all around mopey.  He does some quick googling to find out how to fix some of the iPhone texting issues.  He tells me he’ll drop of his spare Mac charger at my house tomorrow while I’m at work.  I grumble that all of those things are nice and I’m going to bed.

I still woke up this morning with the feeling that something was bad.  I wanted to crawl back into bed and stay there.  There was a sense of foreboding in the air.  Still, I went to work, and went in crazy early so I could get some of the school work I couldn’t do the night before.  (Thank goodness for google docs!)  I very seriously thought about faking an illness or a family member in the hospital so I could leave work and go back to the crawling back into bed plan.  But, I didn’t.  I stuck it out.  And it was an okay day.

And then I got home.  And I saw Gentleman Friend’s laptop charger.  And the baby shower present I bought for Alex and Sandy finally arrived.  And I was going to settle in to finalize the homework of early this morning.  So I went to get my laptop.  But it wasn’t on my bed where I thought it was.  I walked back to the couch to see if I left it there.  No dice.  I walked into the dining room, the kitchen, both bathrooms (seriously, you never know.  Ask me about the time I found a spoon in my washing machine.  No idea.)  I did it all again.  I pulled the top blanket off my bed because I’ve been known to make the bed over the laptop before.  I looked under the bed.  I opened every dresser drawer.  I checked every room again.  Then I called Gentleman Friend.  Maybe he’s playing a funny trick on me and hid the laptop!  Even though this seems very out of character, I’m slowly losing my mind, so I figure I’ll ask.  He did not touch the laptop.  ”Sarah, I picked up the package off your front porch, put it and the charger on the counter, and left.”  He is not much for tomfoolery, so I believe this.

I go back to the careful examination of every inch of space.  I go back to the bed.  I move pillows.  I contemplate the very odd robbery of someone just breaking in to take the laptop.  And THEN I not only pull the pillows off the bed, but pull the sheet back.  Laptop.

This is why I don’t make beds.  Nothing good comes of it.

Feeling calm begin to return to me, I make dinner.  I had an upset stomach most of the day due to my weird anxiety/sense of doom and still didn’t want much for dinner.  I grabbed a bowl to make my favorite snack.  Only, this time, I super sized it.

In this bowl:

My new comfort food.

Diced apple, homemade almond butter, greek yogurt, sliced banana, sprinkle of mini chocolate chips, granola, dulce de leche Cheerios

Yum.  Dinner served.

 

I have got to stop reading brain books

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My job offers this fantastic book on cd program for free to corporate employees.  I jumped on this perk and the first book I received was Brain Rules by John Medina.  I loved it!  I had an epiphany while listening that helped me determine a long term goal of opening a school based in this book’s research and hypothesis’.  (Theories?)  I’m going to call it Sarah’s Hippie Brain Rules School.  Which Gentleman Friend tells me should really just be a working title.

This book inspired me to get more exercise, more sleep, and use visual images to get my point across better in presentations.  I feel great about what I took away from this book.

This led me to buy a book called ….well, honestly I can’t even remember.  I bought it in a bookstore while in Bowling Green and I’ve only read the first two chapters.  Clearly it is not grabbing me from the get go.  But it’s a book on brains and creativity.  I think.

Then my next book on cd arrived, called Change your brain, change your life.   This book and I are not doing so well.  It’s much more technical and is describing certain parts of the brain such as the deep limbic system, basal ganglia, pre frontal cortex and cingulate gyrus.  Each section is responsible for certain behaviors & feelings and each section can be broken.  One section controls anger, one for inability to focus, one for holding grudges, one for automatic negative thoughts, one for flexibility, etc.  After each section I conclude that section of my brain is in hyperdrive or not keeping up.  Can it be possible that my entire brain is broken?  Probably not.  I’m taking away a few things, such as talking back to the automatic negative thoughts that creep in and dominate my life.  Responding out loud will allow me to hear the difference between rational and ridiculous thoughts.  Don’t create more drama just so I stay interested in a topic (which is an ADD tactic – because I’ve decided that I probably have a broken brain and ADD, naturally).

In between all the brain books I have found time to read the Hunger Games trilogy.  It took me all of 5 days which included staying up until wee hours of the morning during a 10 day straight working cycle.  It was so worth it.  I just saw the movie this past weekend.  I thought the movie was just fine.  I’m a little sad more wasn’t made of the symbolic-ness of the mockingjay pin and how Katniss received it in the book.  Oh well.  Overall, good stuff and I’m looking forward to the next movies.  I did not think I’d like books when I heard the premise, but they were really riveting.  Apparently there is a Japanese story these were inspired by, I’ll be looking into finding that next.

In other news, I’m in the middle of another 10 day straight work cycle.  This isn’t all bad, because it means a 4 1/2 day weekend coming my way!  On the agenda – Spring Cleaning!!  I’m such a messy person that I require giant chunks of time to tackle my place.  I may even call in help.  Like my mom.  If I offer to pay her I think she’ll come down.

Also, my official running training calendar begins today.  6 months, friends.  13.1 miles in 6 months.  It can be done.  And when my broken brain tells me it can’t, I will talk back to it!  Which may get some looks at the Y, but I’m okay with that.  I’m a woman on a mission.