What will I do…

Posted on May 20, 2013 by sarah3030

In just a couple of months I’ll be:

- done with grad school

- settled in a new job

- settled in a new city

What will I do with my time?

I won’t be prowling indeed.com for jobs

I won’t be trolling craigslist for apartments

I won’t be tied to Google Docs at the hip so I can comment on papers and assignments

Not that I don’t have some plans…

Project Management Professional Certification to study for

Graphic facilitation workshop to attend

PROSCI Change Management methods to master

Another 1/2 marathon to train for

Figuring out how to do that new job

Exploring a new city

Enjoying living in the same state as D

Thought for right now…

Whelmed.

Posted on May 19, 2013 by sarah3030

There’s a funny line from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You where an adorably dim high school girl asks another if one can be whelmed. ”You can overwhelmed and underwhelmed, but can you be whelmed?” Can you?

There’s something romantic about looking out the window of a big airport. Dark skies and lots of blinking lights. While there is hassle in flying and travel, there is also excitement and adventure. Where is everyone going? Who are they going to meet? What are they about to do? I feel wistful and wanderlust-y on this extra long layover at O’Hare this evening.

It was a grad school weekend. The first of my last semester. This professor is such a spaz and in combination my highly anxious state it was a very stressful weekend. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Too much school. Too much group work. Too much talking. Too much of my own high strung-ness.

These weekends. They are just so many things. They are short and intense experiences where I want to learn so much, I do feel so much and I worry I’m not doing enough. This weekend was the first after the retreat I went on earlier this month and I felt different. I really did change perspective because of things I learned about myself and others there. It’s nice to recognize that I’m growing as a person, but it’s a little like being the only sober one at a frat party – everyone else’s silliness is magnified. This weekend also was an odd anniversary. It was the May residency weekend last year where my crush on D began – where some classmates pointed out that we looked really happy together and made each other laugh. And it was the sound of glass shattering. In the coming weeks, it was all I could really think about – what a catch he was. I do just love looking back and thinking about what a difference a year makes. Change happens so gradually – then you look back and can’t believe all the things that happened.

A year ago… favorite classmates

I will be back on a plane in less than a week, traveling to Akron first to attend a wedding with D (and meeting most of his family for the first time!) and then heading down to Columbus to apartment search and just look around in general. I will almost miss all this time I get to spend in airports once I move to Ohio – no more flying to grad school – which is almost over anyway…

Okay. Nearly time to board. Until next time.

Moving.

Posted on May 15, 2013 by sarah3030

I might be in denial.

I had to email my landlord today to tell her I was moving to Ohio. We’re both really sad. It’s really bittersweet to think about moving away from this apartment.

But I’m not ready to write a real goodbye coffee shop apartment post yet. That will require pictures and poeticism and romanticism and Dadaism.

Except…Probably not that last thing.

I need to get some boxes. I then need to put stuff in said boxes. Without knowing exactly where I’m moving to, it’s tricky to think about what to pack. I’m looking for smaller, loft-style apartments in Columbus – all of which will be smaller than my 3 bedroom apartment. And that’s ok. I use one bedroom for laundry and Christmas decorations, so it’s not that I need all this room – I just had it. Point is, I have to pack for two destinations – my mother’s basement where the not-so-necessary items are going and my new place in Columbus. I’ve already decided my good china doesn’t need to go to Columbus. I don’t know that many people there – I’m probably not going to be throwing a lot of fancy dinner parties. And maybe I only need 2 of the 12 cake plates in my collection. It will be hard to pick, but I think it’s necessary. (First world problems, I know. I know.)

Looking for an apartment in a city I’ve never been to is just a little stressful. I know I can’t do much about it until I actually GO to Columbus for my location scouting trip, but I’m scouring Craigslist and rental sites like I was scouring job posting sites not so long ago. I miss when I was just scouring Pinterest.

I downloaded the Columbus Dispatch and Columbus Zoo apps for my phone. It seemed like the right thing to do. I want to start reading the news of my new city. I think I’m really going to like Columbus. I think I’ve memorized the layout of the area from all the virtual apartment hunting I’ve done. I don’t have apprehension about moving to the place I’ve never been. That part really is exciting. I’m just going to be marginally stressed out until I know where I’ll be settling in.

Send moving motivation and good thoughts my way!

A story. In many, many parts.

Posted on May 13, 2013 by sarah3030

I. Vacation

I was on vacation last week. I took the opportunity to stay away from most social media while I was gone. It was really nice. All of it was nice. It was a vacation in three distinct phases. I took almost no pictures and I’m going to try and capture the highlights. Which as I sit here seems incredibly daunting because last week was monumental. It was a week that goes in the Sarah History book. That sounds dramatic, but, you’ll see…

My time away started 40 minutes north of Asheville, NC at a big, beautiful cabin at the top of a mountain. 6 bedrooms, amazing kitchen, 5 classmates, 2 facilitators and an emotional experience to beat the band. A few classmates and I chose to be part of a organizational behavior process called a T Group. It’s an experience that focuses on feelings in the here and now. There are only two rules – use “I” statements and you must remain in the present – if the experience, feeling, person, etc isn’t in the room then they are not in the conversation. It’s intense and there’s a real learning curve for those rules. I really didn’t know what to expect going in and I purposely kept myself in the dark about the expectations of the weekend so I wouldn’t create biases.

Warning: cheesy ahead. I can’t describe the weekend. It was every bit as intense as promised and I love these classmates and facilitators I went through it with in a very special way, as they were witness and participants to this work. I felt overwhelmed, confused, sad, bad, mad, glad and afraid at certain parts. I really experienced change and internalized awareness.

I also felt a yearning. Marcus Buckingham, who presents on the Strength Finders assessment and co-authored a good deal about the topic, says one should pay attention to the yearnings – those intense callings to something. For me, it was Graphic Facilitation. One of our facilitators also worked as a graphic facilitator – a tool to visually record and organize a meeting, process, thoughts, etc. You can go here for some examples. A friend of mine had recently posted on FB that she was taking a graphic recording workshop and I was really intrigued then. Once I saw this facilitator complete some of it – I was hooked.

I’m getting off track. (I could use a graphic recording for this post.) That was vacation part 1 and it was great. Vacation part 2 was EVEN GREATER!

~~Mystery Man~~ (actually, it’s not much of a mystery any longer – let’s call him D from here on, shall we? I shall.) D and I left the retreat and headed to a different cabin atop a different mountain. It was a belated birthday present – a peaceful trip off the grid and a chance for us to spend time together – no school, no hotels, no classmates, no kids, no pets – just he and I spending actual time together. The cabin we found was right out of Sleeping Beauty – when the King and Queen send Aurora to live in the woods so the evil lady can’t find her? It was like that. A sweet, little, comfortable cabin for two. We had everything we needed, including lots of dry firewood to make lots of fires while we curled up, played Scrabble and I was introduced to Duck Dynasty. (Which I surprisingly loved.) We hiked, and read, and talked, and napped and sat in the hot tub under the stars (more on that later).

Vacation moved on to West Virginia for the next few days, but took on a different tone. D organized an offsite retreat for the company he works for and I was along for the ride. I went to a few dinners with them and spent some time at the spa and managed to have breakfast at the Greenbriar with my friend Meg.

II. Boys

So, let’s talk about boys. One boy, in particularly. And, man is probably the more appropriate term. D is in the master’s program with me and we’ve been seeing each other when we can – mostly school weekends. The more I see him, know him, listen to him, understand him, learn about him, make him laugh, ask him…the more I like him. He was always my favorite classmate and transitioning to him being my favorite guy has been really wonderful.

This week was something new for us – spending 8 consecutive days together is a first. And not just regular days – intense retreat days, fairy tale cabin days and then work conference days. Each of those phases brought different aspects of me to the relationship. Sometimes I’m good, sometimes I’m a lot to take. And I’m constantly afraid people are getting tired of me.

There were two distinct and dichotomous moments on this trip. That shouldn’t seem like blog-worthy news. Couples have highs and lows. The intensity of these two moments came in such a short time span that both left me speechless in their own way. I’m hesitant to describe either of them here because I know we have mutual acquaintances who read me blather on here – and while I opened myself up to public viewing of my thoughts – he didn’t necessarily sign up for that. So, those are stories going in the old fashioned hand written journal.

III. Lists

If you’ve ever wandered over to the page on this blog entitled List 2.0 you’ll see my list of things to do before I die. An oddly specific item is this:

Spend time in a cabin in Asheville, NC to recharge, hike and sit in a hot tub under the stars

I know. Oddly specific. I attribute it to the blog Peanut Butter Runner. I started reading a lot of fitness and running blogs when I started training for the half and ran across this one. Jen lives in Charlotte and gets away to Asheville, NC pretty regularly. I was reading her Asheville posts – about the great food, funky vibe and the cabin and the hiking and I was overcome with the yearning to do this. (Pay attention to yearnings!) Onto The List it went and crossed off it is. I felt incredibly recharged after just a couple of days at the fairy tale log cabin with D. Monday night, after Scrabble, after dinner, after some more Duck Dynasty – the clouds had all gone away and there were stars. I sat outside and tilted my head back so it was resting on the edge of the hot tub behind me and just stared at the stars. And made lots and lots of wishes. It was a beautiful moment, and a really romantic one at that.

IV. Wishes coming true

So, then this thing happened where I got a job. A stars-aligned into the perfect scenario kind of job. April 2nd I was told my position is being eliminated. April 15 I was told I wasn’t right for this job. April 30 – I kind of bombed a technical interview they put me through on a 2nd chance. May 7 – I have a 20 minute interview with the actual hiring manager and I have the offer 24 hours later. And it’s not just a job. It’s a job that will let me do what I’ve been doing and am good at for the last 8 years and combine that with the Organizational Development tools and concepts I’ve been working on with my master’s. It’s this perfect bridge to the other side of Organizational Change Management – which is what I want to do. It’s a job where my title is consultant. It’s a job that will pay me enough to start paying back the school loans I took out to get the legitimate education behind what I want to do. It’s a job that makes me feel valued. Like all the steps back in the last few years were worth it – because this is exactly where I’m supposed to be. I’ll be moving to Columbus, OH in just a couple of weeks.

I’ve never been to Columbus, OH before. I really need to figure this out.

When I think about the roller coaster of the last 6 weeks, it’s nothing compared to the roller coaster of these 6 days! Leaving the school retreat content to start thinking about what comes next and focus on what I’m good at and two days later have that job in hand. I had no idea what the week would bring when it started – but I almost like that it all happened so close together. We never know when the biggest days (or week) of our life is going to be – and this was absolutely one of the biggest weeks of my life.

I can say this next sentence without it being scary…

I don’t know what happens next!

I don’t know where in Columbus I’m moving, I don’t know what happens next with D, I don’t know who I’ll work with, I don’t know exactly what the work will turn out to be…and I can hardly wait to find out!

A few of my favorite things

Posted on April 30, 2013 by sarah3030

Claire said my last post kind of bummed her out.

So, I’m going to share some things I did today that cheer me up.

1. Coming Attractions: I found out that I can get a channel that is all movie previews on my Roku! Movie previews are sometimes the best part of the movie and I spent about 30 minutes watching summer movie previews. I had no idea a new Superman movie was coming out this summer. This is what happens when you stop subscribing to Entertainment Weekly. Movies I’m excited about are Before Midnight, Gatsby, The English Teacher and the Joss Whedon adaptation of Much Ado About Nothing. The last adaptation of that movie I saw remains one of my top 5 favorite movies. It was the reason I wanted to visit Tuscany (and was thrilled beyond belief when I found out I was having dinner in the castle they shot the film at when I was visited years ago!!!). It’s using the Shakespeare language and Joss at the helm – it’s going to be amazing. It will be hard to top the amazing cast of the 1993 version (Kenneth Branagh, Emma Thompson, Denzel, Robert Sean Leonard, Kate Beckinsale and Keanu) but I am so looking forward to the modern twist on the tale. It’s such a sharp Shakespeare comedy – very witty.

2. I window shop, sort of. When I’m feeling sad and lonely, I internet window shop. Amazingly, I don’t buy, I just look. Today I checked out Kate Spade bags on ebay, vintage sapphire rings from a local jewelry store and apartment hunted. That last one isn’t really like shopping, but oh well. With the looming position elimination (I have a few more weeks until I’m out) I’m thinking of making a move – perhaps, Columbus, OH? So, I look for apartments.

Isn’t this stunning?!

3. I work from the coffee shop. I worked from home today and instead of sitting on my couch all wallow-y, I make myself get up, put actual clothes on and work from downstairs. And maybe I eat a chocolate chip cookie and get an iced coffee. Maybe.

4. Music. I download a new tune. Today’s pick me up song brought to you by Smash. The NBC show about a broadway musical (or two) is doomed to cancellation and I am very sad to see it go. One of the musicals within the show had a really snappy number and I downloaded it this morning. It’s The Goodbye Song, if you’re interested.

“Right here forever, ever, ever, ever!”

That Katherine McPhee is just gorgeous.

So. That’s how I pick myself up. Of course I’ll recover from my awful interview. I just need a minute. And some internet window shopping. And some broadway show tunes.

I peaked too soon

Posted on April 30, 2013 by sarah3030

Ah, yes. What goes up, must come down.

Nothing is more humbling than absolutely bombing an interview. I’ve never done that before. Ever. I interview well. I once had an interviewer tell me, “You’re not at all what we thought we were looking for, but I like you. We’re going to give you the job.” The job I was interviewing for is part change management/part project manager/part learning and development. These are things I thought I would be comfortable with. Except project management has a language allllll of it’s own. And while I’m sure I could speak to aspects of project management, there were absolutely questions I couldn’t answer because I didn’t use the terms he was using the same way he did.

Now, the PMP Certification is something I want to get after the Master’s. (Along with the PROSCI Change Management certification, a graphic facilitation certification and maybe my SPHR…) I do know that actual project management is made up of 42 distinct processes. I did not know this interview would be a pre-test on those topics.

Yikes.

I don’t know exactly how it came to be, but my best friend in high school and I used to quote this line from Sunset Boulevard. Somehow, I think my dad was involved too, maybe he started it? I don’t remember. Regardless….”Aren’t you Norma Desmond? You used to be in pictures. You used to be big.” ”I still am big, darling, it’s the pictures that got smaller.”

That’s me. I’m Sarah and I used to be big. I used to be this rising star. At 26 I was doing really well…I used to be unstoppable. A bad interview is a hard stop, friends. I’m going to do some ego licking this morning and make a new plan. I really believed that job was the next thing. It wasn’t even an option in my head. This was just going to work out.

Okay. Have a good day friends.

Another year, Another Color Run

Posted on April 27, 2013 by sarah3030

It is never truer that you can find a rainbow in the rain than when The Color Run takes place on a rainy morning. Everyone wears white shirts to The Color Run and it was in danger of becoming St. Louis’s largest wet t-shirt contest, but that did not stop the thousands of runners this morning. We came to party, and dance and frolick and play. Mission accomplished.

This year I ran with my friend Angela, I actually registered her for this race as a birthday present. For her, not for me. We donned all of our white and our stylish sweatband…

Pre-color. Obviously.

Ready to run!

Now, I have not done any consistent or thoughtful running since December. I was not sure how this event was going to go. But, you know what? It went pretty well. We weren’t going very fast, but it’s hard to go fast with SO many people and the bottlenecks the color kilometers create. But, it was the longest sustained running I have done in months and it felt great. I’m for sure ready to get back into training mode (good thing since I have a fall half and the two winter half races coming up!).

We finished the race and took a few pictures before we headed to the Color Cloud party – where the real color madness begins. You only think we look a mess in that picture above. Wait until you see us post color party -

All in all, a super fun morning with my friend. We chatted and caught up the whole race and then went to breakfast at one of my most favorite places, Local Harvest. Angela proclaimed at one time that she didn’t think she could have that much fun dancing without being drunk. Glad I could show her that dancing in the rain and a giant cloud of color has the same effect!

I’m seeing Christmas Card photo all over this one….

Enjoy your day, friends.

3 races, 5 medals. I like these odds.

Posted on April 26, 2013 by sarah3030

An announcement from runDisney has put to rest any questions I may have had about my early 2014 running goals.

This means – I can run the 10K on Saturday and the Princess Half marathon on Sunday. I can get a medal for each of them AND the INAUGURAL medal for completing both of those events. It’s called the Glass Slipper challenge, so you know that medal is going to be shaped like a shoe!!

THEN…

That’s right! The coast to coast medal is special this year for runners who complete the Tinkerbell half AND the Princess half.

So, of course, the thing I did this morning is make hotel reservations for both of these events. Actual race registration doesn’t open until the summer, but I am so doing this. Three great races, five amazing Disney medals and all the fun that comes from races in my favorite place ever.

This is happening, friends. Countdown on…

Everything is coming up Waters! *

Posted on April 25, 2013 by sarah3030

A few weeks ago everyone I knew seemed to be going through a rough time. Ahh, what a difference a few weeks makes. Claire’s last day with me at work is today because she is moving on to something way more fun and interesting. Ex Hubs is continuing world domination with a great new opportunity. One of my favorite new friends from grad school just landed an excellent job that she has been pursuing and interviewing with for months. And I just got back from the smoothest overnight business trip ever.

I went to Atlanta, and it was awesome for the following reasons:

I got that seat on the plane that is in the row of three but has only a row of two in front of it to accommodate the emergency exit door equalling the ultimate in leg room, I was upgraded at the rental car pick up to a brand new VW Jetta and it was really fun to drive, the weather in Atlanta was amazing, I found parking in downtown with no problem, Centennial Park is lovely, I read a school text book that is making me pause and be introspective, I went on the CNN tour, found a bakery, ate chicken and waffles, walked all over a new city, sat in a park and read some more, facilitated an easy presentation at the meeting, got an earlier flight in which I was given the exit row again, and direct flights are awesome. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t have to switch flights to get to where I was really going. I had forgotten what a luxury the non stop flight is. Then when I got to baggage claim to pick up my suitcase (because overhead space was filled by the time I just made it on this flight) I waited 0 seconds for my bag as it was already working it’s way around the carousel when I got there. That was a first.

It’s important to document the times when everything goes right. This trip was one of those times. It was the most relaxing and enjoyable overnight business trip I’ve ever taken.

Below are some of the pictures from the trip.

I have such a Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah feeling today. Everything is going to go my way. There is positive energy in the world right now. This layoff isn’t really a set back, it really is an invitation to do whatever it is that is next for me.

*The subject of this post is a line from the book The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. It’s also a nod to the secret language you end up having with close friends. It may not make sense to you, but it’s the perfect title for this post.

We do it to ourselves.

Posted on April 17, 2013 by sarah3030

I try to not use this blog as a soap box. It’s all really self involved, really. I have a few friends that keep up with me through it, and I’ve made a few friends by blogging and it’s all fun and games.

Except today, when it’s going to get a little soap-box-y up in here. This is the tale of two things that happened today that made me sad for women. I don’t think anyone would classify me as a crazy feminist. I want equal rights and all, but I’ve never been a particularly “power to the sisterhood” kind of gal. I’m more like Ainsley Hayes, from West Wing. And if you’re not one of my two readers who are Sorkin freaks like I am – here’s a clip to bring you in the loop:

Back to my soap box…

As someone who blogs, it should go without saying that I also read a fair amount of blogs. I have stumbled across blogs that have inspired me to run, cook something healthy, try a new recipe, try a new lip gloss, look into foster kids, create great date nights, read a new book, travel to a new place and sometimes, most important, make me feel not so alone. There are a host of blogs written by women about my age going through about the same stuff as me. And sometimes I read one for a while, I decide I’m over that person, or find them annoying, or disagree with them – and you know what I do then – I stop reading that blog. I do not call them vicious names. I was appalled to find this behavior in the comments of one of my regular reads: Carrots ‘n Cake. The author of that blog is Tina, she’s into Cross Fit big time, has an adorable pug named Murphy, eats a mostly Paleo diet, lives in Boston, has run several races of which I’ve found her recaps very helpful, redecorates rooms in her house occasionally and has a super cute husband named Mal – who also does Cross Fit. This week Tina and her super cute husband are in Ireland on vacation. She has talked about packing for the trip, her favorite sweater from her last visit there and how excited she is to have a blog free vacation with her husband. She stated that she had several pre-written posts that would go up all week in her absence, but she was mostly out of touch to enjoy her vacation. She could not have known that on Monday two bombs would have gone off in her hometown at one of her favorite annual events. So one of her pre-written, already schedule posts goes up and it’s about shoes or cookies or something. It doesn’t even matter – the hate comments on her blog have been out of this world. I’m shocked that people find the need to say such hurtful things. If you had read Tina’s blog for a second you know that she is a huge supporter of Boston and running. Why were these commenters so quick to spend their time spewing such awful-ness – ESPECIALLY in the light of what happened.

I’ve often wished I had more readers. Thought about taking a more active approach to soliciting site views. Putting myself out there in a bigger social media way. Taking on food blogging legitimately. Why would I choose to pursue that after seeing the responses from the “community” today?

It’s been said – and oftentimes to me – that if you can’t improve the silence, don’t say anything at all. These women who commented just turned on this blogger who is out of the country, probably grieving in her own way, and certainly the news would have put a damper on her time away. She didn’t cause it, and she can’t fix it, and she’s suffering in her own way not being there to support the city and sport that she loves. Why do we do this to each other?

The answer is: because we do it to ourselves.

This video has been making the viral rounds and you may have already seen it. I saw a few friends post the new Dove ad online but had not watched it until this afternoon. This afternoon I had a quick session with a woman I went to grade school with who is now a professional photographer. I need new head shots since LinkedIn and websites are the way the world works now in relation to job hunting and she offered me a great price on a quick half hour session. Taking self photos of myself and the cats with my laptop or digital camera and being asked to look into a camera and smile by a professional are two very different things. I was anxious and kept making excuses for my big hair (so much humidity today!) and my lack of ability to sit naturally, and so on and so on. Finally she said -You look great. You need to watch the video I just posted on Facebook. So I did…

We do it to ourselves. I would describe myself as chubby with tiny eyes and big hair. That my forehead is always pinched because I’m trying to open my eyes as big as I can all the time. That I like my shoulders but I have an ass that won’t quit – and not in a good way. My teeth aren’t white enough and my feet are way too big. Nothing about me is lady like or dainty. I even walk loudly. This kind of self talk is so harmful and so much worse as I’m in need of the dose of confidence to get me through this next phase – job hunting comes with plenty of rejection from outside sources. I need to work on accepting myself.

Immediately following my mini photo shoot I went to get a hair cut, where no less than 4 people told me I have the most amazing hair and they would kill for it. That they’re jealous of how tall I am. That I can pull off red hair.

If only we saw us the way others do. If only we treated ourselves and each other with an ounce of grace and kindness.

** clambers off box**

The End.

Cake for Breakfast

Author Archives: sarah3030