I admit it. I do the occasional facebook stalking on some old friends. I don’t think it’s creepy, or at least, I don’t intend to be creepy. People that were incredibly important to me for a long time – hard to drop them completely and I have always smiled when I’ve seen a random picture of them happy and having families and going on trips or whatever. I am pretty sure these are ties that are severed forever, but I still like to pause and send happy thoughts into the universe about them. Weird. I suppose.
I believe it is a rule of life that when you go snooping you absolutely find things you wish you never knew. I come to this rule conclusion from the times I’ve snooped and have always found things I wish I did not know. Very scientific. This evening, after a run, after a shower and while I sit on my bed in my bathrobe trying to decide what my next move is (pizza? no. cereal? no. wine? probably.) I was trolling some old friends pages. Only to come across a joke about this very blog – which does not seem to be highly regarded. Of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion and since I was snooping anyway I don’t harbor any ill will, but…
It stung momentarily. My first reaction was to be embarrassed. How mildly traumatizing to realize people you haven’t spoke to in 4 years are judging you by the random musings on an infinitesimal sliver of the internet. Then came sad – sad I wasn’t able to repair those relationships, sad I couldn’t learn my lessons faster, be less of a jerk back in the day, etc. I’ll always be sad that those few tough years overshadowed the years before and the potential for becoming better again.
Blogging has been on my mind the last couple of days. I like writing, journaling, processing “out loud” but thought a transition back to pen and paper may be the way to go.
Then I thought of the kind of fun stuff I’ve done because of this very lame space. Helped dozens of other women craft a Cinderella running costume. Have some of my food photography make a San Francisco wedding magazine. Make some significant connections with amazing women in Kansas City, MO and Little Rock, Arkansas. Keep friends from Washington DC to Napa up to date – when it’s so easy to lose touch – this space has been a way for friends who choose to keep up with what’s going on to do so between the times we see each other or catch up in person. I learned about the Princess Half Marathon from a blogger and research so many recaps so I would know what to expect at a runDisney event and feel that was a big part of my successful Tink weekend and (knock on wood) will be part of my Princess weekend success.
So. The moment has passed and I again learn my lesson about snooping. And perhaps one about really letting go.
This weekend is about teaching a friend to make quiche, spending time with Doug, packing for a great work trip next week, officially beginning the house hunt here in Columbus, making plans to visit a friend in Richmond, finalizing all the Princess Half plans with Claire…
Next time I’m looking to fill some idle time I’ll fold some laundry. There is always laundry to be folded.