I have an essay final exam to finish, so I’m warming up my writing muscles. What to write about…
It’s no secret I was feeling funky last week. It didn’t exactly fade over the weekend either.
So here’s what I think. It’s time to reassess some things.
I said 2012 was going to be about three things:
Grad School I am overwhelmed by grad school still, but in a good way. I really enjoy the course material. I’m learning to deal with what will be non stop group work. I’m trying to understand self directed learning and how to get what I need out of this model of one residency weekend a month and the rest of the program online.
Work This I’ve got nailed. It’s apparent I work on a fairly low expectations team. I came in, I evaluated the 5 week training program, I made several recommendations for changes to the format and 95% of them are being implemented for the group starting today. This is still a test, I need to see if the recommendations and changes are more effective based on feedback from the participants. If all goes well, the hard part of my job is over for the foreseeable future. Run this program. I don’t have a lot of control over how other aspects of the training department run, and maybe that’s okay. School takes up so much time and I’d like to have a robust personal life, especially with spring and summer fairs and festivals coming up.
Running Time for reassessing. I feel pressure to run. I feel like it’s something I want, but I’m still mentally holding myself back. I want to put running on the back burner for a while. Not exercise, just running. I want to go back to Zumba. I want to do these strength programs I found in Shape and Women’s Health magazine. I want to do things I enjoy. My confidence is pretty shaky these days. Perhaps it’s being shaken by grad school, opening up to Gentleman Friend, events of last year, or just not loving what I see when I look in a mirror. I’m the only person who can fix this. And I want to do it by feeling sexy and having fun. Zumba always made me feel that way. I still want to run. I just want to feel better about it when I do it. I’m avoiding exercise in general because I’m dreading the act.
Must go write essay. If I finish in a timely fashion I’ll be back to tell you about my calling… I found it. Stay tuned…